fantasies

Dreaming About an Ex? An Expert Explores 23 Reasons Why

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Waking upward from a dream about an ex can be jarring. But, according to professional dream analyst and writer Lauri Quinn Loewenberg, "Whatsoever's going on in the dream is going to reverberate not necessarily [what's going on] between yous and your ex, merely what'southward going on with y'all." Read along as Loewenberg explains possible meanings behind various dreams about an ex, and how they might chronicle to what's happening in your life right now.

1. If y'all dreamed you were falling for your first dear all over once again…
"This tin be someone who was in your life thirty, 40, or 50 years ago, but you still find yourself dreaming about this person. The ex, at this betoken, is no longer playing themselves in the dream — instead, they kind of embody what kickoff dear feels like: the excitement, the passion, the want, being desired, always wanting to be together, bubbles, that wonderful feeling."

Considering your first love represents this feeling in your psyche, "they will tend to evidence up in your dreams when, for instance, your current relationship has become routine, or when y'all're in a dry out spell and yous oasis't been with someone in a while," Loewenberg says. "Your hidden is reminding yous of what it can experience similar, and giving yous a gentle nudge to either get out at that place and find someone who can bring these feelings dorsum to y'all, or do something to wake up these feelings within your current relationship."

two. If you had whatever sort of dream virtually a recent ex…
"You're dreaming well-nigh this person because your subconscious is trying to assist you get through the breakup. What was the breakup like? Are yous glad you're out of it, or do you wish you were nonetheless in it? What are y'all holding onto from it? Are you lot belongings onto hope? Are yous belongings onto acrimony? Are you holding onto guilt — did you exercise something to mess up the relationship? What is information technology about this recent relationship that your hidden is trying to aid you lot move on from?"

three. If you lot dreamed a contempo ex apologized or wanted you back…
"What I hear a lot from people who are dreaming near a contempo ex is that they'll dream the ex is professing their honey and saying 'I really wish we were dorsum together' or 'I'g pitiful' or something along those lines. That tin feel very existent when you're in the dream and even when you wake upward from it, and then and so y'all're thinking, 'Maybe my ex really does wanna take me back.'"

Loewenberg warns that couldn't be further from the truth: "That'due south you wanting that. That'due south y'all exploring that. That's you doing a dress rehearsal with what you hoped was a possibility."

4. If you dreamed a recent ex was rejecting yous…
"If they're saying 'I don't want you back' but you want them back, that's your dream trying to help you come back to reality. Look at the dream as a conversation with yourself. Whatever the ex is saying to y'all is what you are maxim to yourself in regards to the ex."

5. If you dreamed about fighting with your first love…
"Enquire yourself, 'What is the conflict correct at present in my life?' Because, for some reason, your offset love is going to represent something that feels like a boxing to yous in real life. Are you having a battle with loving yourself? Why are you mad at yourself? The first beloved tin can stand for that you don't accept dearest for yourself correct now. You're fighting for that role of y'all. We all have a difficult time with that — especially loving and being a friend to ourselves. Nosotros're our own worst critics."

6. If you lot dreamed you were getting forth with an ex you share children with…
"At that place's still something that connects you to them, and your dream is trying to help you lot co-parent. Your dream is trying to help yous go on a decent human relationship with the ex for the sake of the children, which is another reason why — and I hear this a lot — someone who's divorced [might] detest their ex merely keep dreaming they're getting back together, or that they're having sex activity [with their ex] even though they swear they would never do that again with that person. Your subconscious wants y'all to unite with [your ex] on some level for the sake of the kids."

7. If you dreamed about fighting with an ex you share children with…
"A negative dream [like this] is an indication there is some negative event [that] your dream is trying to aid you lot with. Compare the emotion you lot felt in the dream to any current emotions you have been having. What issue right now in real life makes yous feel the aforementioned way?

"For instance, if the emotion yous had in the dream was acrimony, what in real life right now is angering you lot? Sure, your ex may anger you lot constantly, but what in particular, right at present, is angering you? That'due south what your dream is trying to help y'all sort out."

8. If yous dreamed y'all were back in a toxic human relationship…
Whether it was a dream about your cheating ex adulterous on you once more, or a dream about an abusive ex, Loewenberg says that having a dream nigh reuniting with an ex who acquired y'all "misery in any form or fashion" typically has the same reasoning.

She uses the case of a physically calumniating ex to describe what's going on: "This is particularly true for women — I hear this all the time. They'll dream that the ex is still chirapsia them — they're still suffering the abuse. That's trauma. That's a little bit of PTSD happening."

In addition to speaking with a therapist, she advises: "Y'all need to look at this and be honest with yourself past asking, 'Are y'all still beating yourself upwardly for being in that relationship for that long?' Women who are in abusive relationships often stay in it mode too long and they're scared, or they don't know what to exercise. When they finally get out, they get mad at themselves and they beat themselves upward, and the dream reflects that. You're still allowing your abuse but at present you're the i doing information technology — non physically only psychologically."

9. If you dreamed you had sex with a toxic ex…
"Showtime of all, you demand to examine if there'south even so a part of y'all that would accept this person back if they came effectually." If that's the example, you lot need to find a way to curb those feelings as soon equally possible, she says.

"Simply if it's been a while and you're certain you lot wouldn't take the person back, and you don't feel weak in that way, but you lot're having a dream where you lot're getting back together and things are bully — that's a proficient sign that you lot are coming to peace with information technology. You're no longer chirapsia yourself upwards. Yous forgive yourself and yous've accepted this as part of yourself and your past and a lesson learned. You lot're okay with it. Yous've grown a good for you mental attitude about it. When y'all're awake and y'all're thinking virtually the dream, inquire yourself 'Am I okay with this at present?' Forgiveness is really for yourself. Is that where I'g at? Do I truly forgive them? Do I hold any anger? Yous probably don't, and your dream is showing that."

10. If you dreamed nearly your ex's nigh annoying habit…
"Your subconscious doesn't forget annihilation — it stores everything. If you're getting involved with someone right now who's a little too much like someone who wasn't good for yous back and then, your subconscious will remind you."

For example, she suggests, "Maybe a partner in the past was a cigarette smoker and a current partner isn't a cigarette smoker, but a drinker or has some other bad habit. How did you lot feel when yous woke upwardly from it? Annoyed? Well, that's a warning."

11. If you have a romantic dream virtually an ex who you never technically "dated"…
"Again, it's probably not necessarily about the ex, just more than about some outstanding quality that the ex represents," Loewenberg says. "So, what is it that you remember most about this person's personality or about your time together? What comes to listen is what that dream is about — and so perchance you need that quality dorsum in your life, or maybe, if it was a terrible feel, you demand to exist enlightened that this could be back in your life once again with someone else."

12. If you dream you're confronting a person who ghosted you…
"One aspect is that it'due south a psychological release for you," she explains. "You're expressing frustration, disappointment, and anger to that person through the dream because you weren't able to in real life. So it's kind of like a release."

"Another aspect is that our dreams exercise serve as dress rehearsals, and they will put united states of america in very realistic scenarios and so we tin better prepare for [something like this happening] again," she says. "Through this dream, you're probable getting your thoughts in social club so that — number 1 — you can make sure [getting ghosted] doesn't happen to you lot again and — number two — y'all can take your arsenal ready if it does happen again."

xiii. If y'all dream yous're dating a person who ghosted you…
"On a much lesser degree, this is not unlike when people who were in abusive relationships dream that they're with their abusers again," Loewenberg says. "In that aforementioned vein, you're having this dream because your subconscious listen is trying to help you lot come up to peace with it."

14. If you dream your ex was breaking upward with you all over again…
"First, y'all want to look at how long ago the breakup was," Loewenberg says. "If it was recent, then yous're still rehashing it. You lot're not over it. There's withal a little bit of trauma that you're experiencing and replaying over and over once again."

"But, if this was a long time agone (like years ago), and you're dreaming that this ex is dumping you all once again, and then yous demand to ask yourself, 'What's going on right now that's making me feel this fashion? Did I become turned down for a job? Did something I pitched become turned down?' Why are you lot feeling rejected or turned down over again right now?"

15. If you lot dream your ex is in some sort of physical danger and y'all're trying to save them…
"This may very well be about how there'due south something from that relationship — some lesson learned — that you demand to save or save," Loewenberg says. "Or maybe something that you lot gained from that relationship." For example, she suggests the relationship could take made you a stronger and more confident person, and at present this is your subconscious heed urging y'all to utilize those skills.

16. If y'all dream your ex is in some sort of concrete danger and you're not trying to save them…
"This could actually be a very skilful sign that you are progressing from holding onto the pain of the rejection," Loewenberg says. "The danger that the ex is going through is your ain psyche putting an finish to what you've been holding onto."

17. If you dream your ex is killing y'all…
"Death in a dream is about something ending or changing," she says. "Murder is a forced end or change. So, if y'all're ex is murdering you, enquire yourself, how did the breakdown change y'all unwillingly? Did it impale off your spirit? Did information technology kill off your power to trust? Did it impale off your confidence? What did that relationship impale off in yous? Then, how can y'all help bring it back to life?"

xviii. If you lot dream you're killing your ex…
"If you're the one doing it, that's a good indication to actively take steps to put an finish to whatsoever sort of resentment or frustration you're still holding onto," Loewenberg says. "The biggest problem when nosotros've gone through a bad breakup is that we bring [resentment] into our next human relationship. This [dream] is a good sign that you lot are killing [the negative feelings] off, so that your next relationship or your electric current relationship tin stand on its own."

19. If you dreamed nigh your ex dating someone else…
"The healthy aspect of [this dream] is that it's you coming to peace with the fact that your ex is going to have a life after you," she says. "And so, yous should take [this dream every bit a sign] that you need to have a life later your ex."

As for the unhealthy aspect of this scenario, Loewenberg warns it could be a sign that yous're withal likewise focused on your ex. She asks, "Are you accepting the fact that he's at present with someone else?"

xx. If yous dreamed virtually spending time with your ex'south family, like you lot did when you lot were together…
"This is not different when y'all quit smoking and dream that yous're still smoking," she says. "It'due south something you lot were used to, a routine, a comfort level that is no longer at that place. Your subconscious is wondering where [the routine] went. This sort of dream tapers off as time goes on, and you go used to no longer [having the relationship as] a constant."

21. If you're dreaming nigh your ex while isolating with your current partner during the coronavirus pandemic…
Loewenberg says that, in general, "we are simply dreaming more right now," and indeed, many people have reported unusually strange and brilliant dreams over the past few weeks. If yous've been dreaming about your ex while isolating together with a new partner, you lot might be able to chalk it up to the sheer volume of time y'all now have to focus on your relationship. "Being quarantined with our partners 24/vii makes us see them in a new calorie-free: What we perceive as negative or less than appealing traits in our current partner or what we perceive as skilful traits can be amplified right now," Loewenberg suggests. "The subconscious begins to compare and contrast our current partners with our exes. This can assist united states see that we have upgraded or that nosotros are seemingly in the verbal same human relationship but with a unlike person."

22. If yous're single and dreaming near an ex during quarantine…
If you're navigating the coronavirus stay-at-habitation orders on your own, and your sleeping brain keeps serving up haunting images of relationships past, it may be that your mind is scrounging for romantic distraction — among Loewenberg'south clients, "the exes that were really good in bed are being dreamed about the most!" Merely old flames showing upwardly in your dreams might have a more edifying significant, too: "Lockdown is making it much harder to find a partner so the hidden encephalon resorts to previous ones, non only to compensate for loneliness, but likewise to evaluate that which we liked in the ex and that which we didn't," Loewenberg says. This may be your brain putting in the work then that "when it is fourth dimension to become back out at that place, [you] are well prepared to find the right i."

23. If you dream your ex has the coronavirus…
Then, according to Loewenberg, the pregnant of the dream would "depend on how you view your ex." If you harbor residual acrimony against this person, their presence on the astral plane might be your subconscious "showing you that the infinite [they take] up in your psyche is unhealthy." On the other manus, if y'all have no beef with this person and mostly addicted memories of your time together — if, for example, they were your first love — then dreaming about that "may indicate that something within your current relationship is showtime to get unhealthy, specially if you are on lockdown with a current partner," Loewenberg suggests. "This lockdown can be very trying for relationships right now."

The takeaway: No matter what you dreamed virtually an ex, Loewenberg suggests asking yourself the following five questions to become to the lesser of why the dream took place:

ane. What stands out to me about this particular ex or our relationship?
2. Is in that location anything in my current life or human relationship that seems similar to this one-time ex or relationship?
3. Is there a lesson I learned from that item ex or relationship that I can utilize to my current life or relationship?
four. Do the actions or circumstances in the dream seem similar to any of my electric current circumstances?
5. Practice the emotions or thoughts I had in the dream relate to how I feel or think nearly anything in my life or in my human relationship right now?"

And, most importantly, remember the dream doesn't necessarily mean y'all still have feelings for an ex — in fact, it's rarely about them at all. "In a nutshell, the ex appeared in your dream to bring you a message you need to know right at present," she says. "Our by shapes who we are in the nowadays. The dreams about our exes bring united states of america reminders that, in gild for our current or time to come relationships to exist healthy, nosotros must let go of the pain and negativity, but concord onto the lesson."

Read more well-nigh dreams on the Cut, including why you dream about your teeth falling out and why you lot dream most being pregnant . This mail service has been updated with boosted reporting past Claire Lampen.

Dreaming About an Ex? An Practiced Explores 23 Reasons Why